who's fault is it?

i had the opportunity to join slutwalk last weekend and it felt good to be there. as a rally newb, i'm still shy about yelling, clapping, dancing in public and yes, making myself heard but hopefully i'll overcome those fears with a few more. there's been quite a bit of press coverage and as often as i tell myself not to read article comments, it happens occasionally (sigh). and while there are thousands of people that get it, there are probably 10x more that don't. the ones that say "well, what do you expect? that's what you're going to get if you dress like a slut." GAH. (...which reminds me of the very mysognist and sexist responses to alexandra wallace's rant on asians in the library. did she deserve those responses because she wore a tight revealing top? but more on that another time)

why do so many of us 1) forget that rape isn't actually SUPPOSED to happen 2) learn techniques like walking with a key inbetween your fingers "just in case" and think that's NORMAL? it's almost become second nature to me for alarms to go off in my head if i sense something off around me. maybe i'll walk faster, cross the street, go somewhere with more lighting, put those keys between my fingers and unlock my phone for quick dialing... and while i do recognize that our streets are relatively "safe," this is no where good enough. are the police there to serve and protect when they are slut shaming and sending the message that the women that get raped, assaulted and sometimes killed...DESERVE IT?

when reading about rape culture, i've often thought about what the process might be like in reporting a rape, or going on trial and being questioned about my own sexual history. would i lose credibility? would they think that my history of drinking and clubbing in short skirts makes me more susceptible to assault? does the number of men i've dated and slept with make me more deserving of rape cuz clearly, i love men and was probably asking for it? will they question my politics and say that my openness about sexuality and gender probably sent the message to potential rapists that i'm open for business?

just thinking about all this makes me wonder whether i would report a rape or sexual assault. isn't the very act of having your own body violated by another damaging enough? do we have to go through the process of public slut shaming too in an attempt to bring about "justice?" i don't know about you but i see absolutely no justice in that.