I never liked dolls.

I've seen these dolls before but I was reminded of them today when I read this on Racialicious.com. American Girls is a company that sells dolls, videos, books, clothing and everything else a rich little girl would want (some of these dolls are priced over US$100). Here's an example of one of their "Historical Characters," and simply put, it creeps me out:

According to the website...

Addy Walker has heard her parents’ whispers about freedom before.
Enslaved on a plantation in 1864, Addy’s family must run away if they hope to be free. When Poppa and her brother, Sam, are sold away, Addy and her mother make the wrenching decision to escape to Philadelphia—to freedom—on their own.
But that means leaving Addy’s baby sister behind—her cries could cost them their lives. Addy must dig deep to find the courage to face a powerful truth: freedom sometimes has great costs.

The whole thing just makes me feel...weird. I agree with the idea of learning and recognizing history but I don't know if little girls who play with dolls are ready to understand concepts like slavery, freedom ... and lynching. How do you explain to a child why Addy's father and brother were sold off? And what the hell did they do to the baby sister?! I'm just so weirded out by this and I can't seem to put it into words. And I wonder, why don't they have an Asian historical doll?

Okay, if they had one, I admit I would be bitching about it on my blog because some aspect of it would probably offend me but aren't Asian Americans also part of American history? Railroads? Laundramats? Sugar plantations? Fish-canning factories? Immigration bans? Wow, I can just see it now.

Ching Ching Wong had always wanted to see America. Shipped over from China in 1880, Ching Ching and her mother were fortunate enough to immigrate to be with her father before the government instituted the Chinese Exclusion act of 1882. Born with the luck of the dragon, she is able to attend public school, where she is taunted daily for her odd accent and funny shaped eyes. Her brother, Ming Ming, however, was not so fortunate. Left behind in China, he is separated from his family and Ching Ching cries for her brother every day as she helps her mother wash endless loads of laundry by hand. Ching Ching must find it in herself to continue to believe in the American Dream and hope for a day where she won't be judged by the colour of her skin or the shape of her eyes.

Teehee. Aren't I cheeky?

And on that note, you can buy dolls from the website that look "Just like you." You can pick from light, medium or dark skin tones and different hair and eye colours. With variety like that, how could you NOT find a doll that looks just like you?? "Light skin, black hair, and brown eyes." Yup sounds like me!

WORD.

Bus rides make me emo.

And if you never stop when you wave goodbye/ You just might find if you give it time / You will wave hello again / You just might wave hello again

- John Mayer, Wheel

As I sat on the bus on the way to work, I suddenly realized that I only have five more days of work, 10 days until I move out and a mere three weekends left in Toronto. Then it got me thinking about all the little things that I'm going to miss about this place. Even though I lived in Kingston during the school year for four years, downtown Toronto has always felt more like home to me and it's been great finally being a Toronto resident this summer. From my experience, I feel that there's not much love for Toronto, especially from Torontonians, so here is my little list of the things that I will miss about the T-dot:

The TTC

Sure, it's crappy-ass, usually delayed, old, dirty, squeaky and sometimes smelly but there is something relaxing about my morning commute to work. Compared to Hong Kong, "rush-hour" on the TTC is like an after-dinner stroll in the park. I don't have to fear being whacked in the knee by someone's huge "red-white-blue" bag filled with pirated goods from Shenzhen and people here actually WAIT until you get out of the subway before they step in. WOWZERS! And I think it adds a little bit of character when I hear different subway conductors announce each stop, even more amusing if they make mistakes. "Osgoode ... Sorry Saaaint Patrick ... I mean Osgoode Station."

95 ****** St. (ha TRY AND FIND ME)

Sure, it's crappy-ass, old, dirty, poorly constructed and sometimes smelly but it's cheap, conveniently located and I get to live with my bestest buddy. I will miss the shower seranades.

Festivals (and Harbourfront!)

Jazz & blues festivals, Hip Hop/Breaking/Turkish/Chinatown/Filipino Festivals, Caribana ... of course I was too lazy to actually make it to most of these events but it's nice to know there are things to do if I ever decide to get off my arse.

Reggaeton/Soca (and funk)

Hip Hop at clubs is great but there's nothing like doing the willie bounce or any other kind of bounce to a Beenie Man track. And on that note, I hate to sound like an alcoholic but ... $3 drinks baby!! YEAHHHHH! CHUG CHUG CHUG! DOWN THAT SHIETTT. WHAT?! A CHASER? THAT'S WEAKSAUCE!!! Okay, I'm done.

Clothing Sizes

Well, there's nothing really special about the clothing sizes except they actually fit me and storekeepers don't have to yell across the floor that the shirt I have on (that cuts off my circulation) is the largest one they make.

Diverse range of babies ... and boys

I admit that I get most excited when I see babies. Last week, I was in the crappiest mood and as I walked back home on Dundas, I looked up to see a row of 7-8 tiny people with their faces smushed up against the fence as they waved bye to one of their teachers. Seriously, is there anything cuter than that? Black, brown, yellow and white babies playing together in harmony. That is the way life should be.

Tim Hortons, Baskin Robbins, shawarma, sweet potato fries, streetmeat
... and all that other good stuff that's so bad for you.

"Free" Health Care

Hurray for OHIP. It ain't perfect but I appreciated all the free shots and appointments I had at Queen's health.

The....close proximity?

I love how in 20 minutes, you can walk from Chanel on Bloor St. to King's Noodle in Chinatown, which is 30 seconds away from Kensington Market and from there you can walk down to the Harbourfront in 15 minutes.

The People

You know who you are. :( :( :( I'll save this one for a later post.

Homie, why you be frontin'?

Though we all do it, I quite dislike frontin'. For those of you who aren't down with the lingo, according to UrbanDictionary.com, the definition is this:

Urban slang. To put up a facade or make appearances, typically to impress or in some way deceive to maintain image. From 'to front'.

He be frontin' - that Benz be a rental!

We all front. We act differently according to our surroundings but sometimes we can act so out of character that we lose sight of who we are. In front of strangers, co-workers, new acquaintances or that biatch that you have to act civil around, we project a self that's slightly (or very) different from what we are inside. But around friends and family, I think that guard should come down. Though keep in mind that I'm someone that can't choose to hide any kind of emotion even if I tried my hardest.

We're not celebrities or public figures and we don't have to pretend to be anyone else because cameras are around so why do we do it? I think it's a defence mechanism. Like when I'm fighting with a friend, I front like I don't care: "Whatever, I don't give a shit about him/her. They can move to Yemen and I wouldn't give a tiny rat's ass." Five minutes later. "Ugh, seriously ... I don't even know why I was friends with them in the first place." Ten minutes later. "No, I swear, I REALLY don't care!" But of course, you know and I know that if I didn't care, I wouldn't spend half my day bitching and complaining and deep down, the real Flo is actually huddled in the corner of a very dark room, shedding a solitary tear as she bangs her head on the wall and screams "WHYYY GOD WHYYY!?" True story.

One thing I've learned though, is that there is no point in frontin' when you're around your closest friends because if they really are your friends, they know. I'm sorry to break it to you but there's no point in hiding it because you're as see-through to them as a beefy black man wearing a mesh shirt walking down Yonge St. on Caribana Weekend.

So really, let's just take off the mesh shirt and be who we really wanna be, stripped nekked of our fronts, our facades, our cover-ups or whatever you want to call it. Just say no to mesh.

Got privilege?

This makes me sick. A few kids at Fox Chapel Area High School in Pennsylvania created a Facebook group called "Anti-Asians Anonymous" or what they call, AAA. Here are a few highlights in their "Recent News" section:

Pearl Harbor: Our only mistake was stopping at two.

Fix their eyes by using only boiling water and postage stamps.

Another Chinese hideout in a giant bowl of urine. Where'd they go?

First of all, they don't make sense. Second of all, what makes me sick is that them childrens feel so disgustingly entitled that they are comfortable creating a group like this on a public forum such as Facebook. And of course, they say that they were trying to be funny. KKK members all around the world are rejoicing because they see their hopes and dreams reflected in the empty minds of the next generation.

So what is this all about? Scapegoating? Jealousy? Fear? Is the Yellow Peril back? Has it ever gone away? Or is it just plain old white privilege? Are they all thinking: "this is my land and I can do and say whatever the hell I want but all you coloured people better shut the hell up and do as I say?" ...maybe this blog should be called Angry Asian Woman.

Speaking of privilege and a few angry Asian women, we stood in the Spadina streetcar on Saturday night, packed like sardines in 28 degree weather as the driver continued to let more and more people on.

"Move to the back please," she said.

We all tried to move a couple of inches back but there clearly was no room and there was some serious unintentional bumpin' and grindin' as we squished together.

Suddenly, a rather large man gets onto the streetcar and starts making a very loud fuss.

"Oh, COME ON people! Move to the back! What's wrong with you people just standing there?"

"YOU move to the back," my friend said.

"Move WHERE?!" I chime in.

He replies by calling himself a "good citizen" and then calls us and the entire streetcar a collective "selfish shit." He pushes through the middle of the streetcar and stops a couple of inches behind me, realizing that there really is no room and then shuts the fuck up.

Point? I hope he gets run over by a streetcar.

A few things I've learned this summer...

Sorry guys, no beautiful Paint pictures today. The well of inspiration is dry today.

Most of you know that my summers in Toronto are usually drama-filled and quite eventful (or maybe just that one summer) and I always have so much fun here but I think Vera would agree that this summer is the best summer yet. After visiting Toronto numerous times and spending summers here for three years, I finally packed up all my stuff and moved downtown and so far it's been great. I've been working, hanging out with friends, dancing and going out and I've learned a few things that I'd like to share with my lovely readers (I know who you are muahaha):

Things don't always go as planned but you gotta roll with the punches.
So I had planned on staying in Toronto for at least a year or two to find work but work has not been found and now I'm moving back home to Hong Kong. And on that note, Job hunting is f'ing hard. We all have to adapt and realize that nothing is certain anymore and remember that that can be really exciting! For friends who's lives aren't going according to their "plan," let's take a deep breath together and take a chance on plan b (and possibly c, d and e). But also keep in mind that Life is random, and you never know who you're going to meet and what opportunities might come out of it.

Don't ever walk home alone on a Saturday night if you're not completely sober.
Trust me on this one.

Chinatown is awesome (and features a variety of unique aromas).
Cheap groceries and cheap food, a Chinese person's dream except it ALWAYS smells like garbage day.

I am a HUGE stalker.
I'm going to blame it on the "journalist" in me.

If there's something you've always wanted to try, do it now.
After being a bboy groupie for the longest time, I finally decided to give breaking a shot and I'm SO glad I finally did because I love it. It's hard and I'm constantly aching but I'm determined to keep practicing so I can get better. It's intimidating but it's all about confidence which I'm working on. So if there's something you've always wanted to try, go for it! And you never know who you'll meet, e.g. for me, awesome bgirls and bboys.

Funk is AWESOME.
Herbie Hancock, Earth Wind and Fire, George Clinton and of course James Brown. Get on the good foot!

Parting with your friends is harder than leaving your family.
When I left home for university, it sucked but I knew it was something I had to do. Now that I'm going to be potentially leaving almost all my closest friends in the world, I sure feel shitty. :( :( :( but let's postpone further discussion on this subject until September 16th.

Life is SO much simpler without guy drama.
This summer, there's been no crying over guys, no tension-filled elevator rides with scrawny Irishmen and generally, very little guy related angst. Let us drink to that.

Charlene Miranda makes good tandoori chicken.

There are many many ways to waste time at work.
Job applications, Facebook, texting, BLOGGING, creating artistic masterpieces on Paint, breaking in the office kitchen...the list could go on forever...

And last but not least:

Learn to enjoy the little things in life that make it so much better.
...like commuting to work with your best friend every morning and annoying people with your laughter-filled chatter :)

I am a very happy and thankful girl. Hurray for summer 2007!