Kids these days

I did some outreach at a youth anti-racism conference today (didn't even know those existed!) and I think it was my first encounter with Toronto high school youth, ever, and the first time I've interacted with young people since I was in high school myself. Yeah, it's been a while and even though I find myself getting annoyed and muttering "them kids" more and more these days, what I saw today really inspired me. I've been missing out.

And since I have trouble structuring my paragraphs, I'll list out my observations and realizations in elaborated point forms :D

1) These young people are busy! I talked to a few, and while they were probably the keenest ones of the bunch, I got an idea of how much these teenagers are involved in their communities. Some of these youth are involved in 4-5 different initiatives, where they are leaders, educating and reaching out to their peers. Like, whoa. I remember doing the annual charity run for cancer...and yeah, that was about it. The true spirit of volunteerism was lost on me.

2) What a difference one teacher can make. My parents and brother will probably say "I told ya so" when I tell them this. As much as I've been trying to fight it, I do feel the inklings to become a teacher. Maybe not quite a highschool teacher but to have the same kind of impact. One kid (is it okay to call them kids?) said that he has one teacher that brings the youth out to these kinds of conferences and gets them involved in all different kinds of volunteer work. From the sounds of it, this teacher is a mentor to a lot of kids. A lot of pressure to be that kind of a role model but the rewards must amazing.

Another said that one of her teachers, who's openly gay, has also taken the students to an anti-homophobia conference where they learned about different types of oppressions and the kind if discrimination faced by those who don't identify as 'straight.' The student is also starting a Gay Straight Alliance group at her school. She is who I wish I could have been back in the day. What some of these kids are learning at 15, is what I've slowly had to learn in my 20s.

3) Youth are not the leaders of tomorrow, but the leaders of today. Okay, I stole that line from someone who quoted the Governor General Michaelle Jean. There's not much to elaborate on that one but I just wanted to throw that in there so I'll remember it in future days.

And I talk about youth like I'm not part of that group myself. While the years have taken their toll, I have to constantly remind myself that I'm somewhat of a young'un too...full of ideas, potential and hope. Hope that we really can make a difference and that it is our right and responsibility to reclaim the spaces that have been taken away from us.

Kids, let's do this.

**On another note, perhaps it's time I change the name of this blog. Maybe to something more hopeful? Mmmm nah.

Mid year resolution

Smart decisions only for the second half of 2010 (or third quarter??)! Who's with me?

A mile away

It's that Manifesto time of year again. Time for bboys, graf artists, community activists, performers of all kinds and appreciators of hip hop to gather for seven days of events, including free concerts, bboy battles and a filmfest, which I got to check out tonight.

The first documentary was called Invisible City:
"In the inner-city housing project of Toronto's Regent Park, Kendell and Mikey, like their surroundings are in the process of transformation; the environment and social pressure tempting them to make poor choices, their mothers and mentors rooting for them to succeed. Turning his camera on the often ignored inner city, Academy-award nominated director Hubert Davis sensitively depicts the disconnection of urban poverty and race from the mainstream."

Although it ran a little long, the documentary was moving and, I hate to say it but, eye-opening for someone as ignorant as I am of the challenges that other marginalized communities face. You hear about places like Regent Park, St. Jamestown, Jane and Finch and it's easy to forget how close we are geographically yet how we are seemingly worlds apart.

Sidenote: One particular scene that my friend and I talked about afterwards was when Kendell spoke with his guidance counselor about possibly moving from his current math class to a more advanced one, having received a 75 in his previous semester. She tells him that although he did well in the last class, she's not sure if he can make that jump to such an advanced class. In other words, no son, don't even bother trying harder because you WILL fail. Geez fuckin' louise. It reminded me of Malcolm X telling his grade school teacher that he wanted to be a lawyer, to which she replied, that wouldn't be "a realistic goal for a n*****." Malcolm wrote that he knew his teacher thought she was trying to be helpful by setting realistic goals for him but really, what all kids need in the least is someone that believes that they can do great things. Anyway, back to the point.

Regent park is one mile away from my apartment. Suddenly the "inner city" doesn't seem so far away. Issues like affordable housing, gentrification, social welfare, racial profiling, police/gang/youth related violence are a little more relevant and get uncomfortably close. As I sit here on my Mac, in my Ikea furnished apartment (paid for by my parents), getting ready to go to bed for another day of working in my bougie/borderline hipster office, I wonder, what am I really doing to make things 'better'?

I talk about social justice and probably mention the words civic engagement 15 times a week but really and truly, something like this just puts it all into perspective. We do what we can, for whichever communities we choose to engage in. We try to do our part. Our lives continue, we work, we play, we sleep. The days slip by and we lose ourselves in what matters in our lives. At the same time, those communities in our midst that are being demolished under the guise of "revitalization" begin to feel even more foreign, like it's in another city.

But once in a while, you remember they really aren't that far away. This is happening right next to us and we AREN'T worlds apart. These are our neighbours, the people we see on the street, the "thugs" we avoid sitting close to on the TTC, the news stories we read with our morning coffee.

And you realize...it's happening right here. Now that's real life.

It brings into perspective what needs to be changed in this city. It makes me think more about who will be the best leader to do that for this place we live in. This isn't just the Toronto I live in, it's the Toronto we all live in. ...Okay all this thinking is giving me a headache at 1:12am.

I should also mention, after all this gloom and doom, that throughout the documentary, there is also the underlying message of hope. Hope in a person's potential and hope that good things can and will happen, and that, I believe, is something we can all relate to.

Here's the trailer. I can't be bothered to try and make it fit but check it:

Be a man, do the right thing.

I know I have all of two readers but I just had to put up this blog post I just read, which pretty accurately describes my feelings towards the concept of what it means to be a man and to "man up." He speaks the truth. Read and you shall learn :)

***

When She Says Man Up, She Has No Idea What She’s Talking About

from Until I Get Married by Jozen

I know some strong women.

Hard women, who put up with absolutely nothing.

These women call out their male friends for falling for another girl all quick, or roll their eyes whenever they hear a man is hurt over something another woman did. They are quick to tell men to man up and quit crying. A man gets sensitive over something a woman won’t get sensitive about, and she tells him there’s no need for all the sensitivity; starts bringing up all the ways a woman has it harder than a man and if she’s okay, he should be too.

She’ll say, “Man up.” The next time she says that, this will be my response…”Shut up.”

About a month ago, I tweeted out the following:

Gotta love how girls crack jokes on men who cry like girls but then turn around and cry when men act like men.

I have always said if a woman understood how difficult it is for a man to get to a place where he starts showing his feelings, she would never discredit him for doing so. A lot of men don’t have it in their DNA to wear their heart on their sleeves, so when we do, women should either try to help us out or step aside and let us figure out the problem ourselves. Any efforts short of those two should be saved for a later time when she and he can look back on the moment and laugh about it.

Coming from me, this may sound like some sort of defense. Anyone who has read this blog long enough knows I have no problem sharing my feelings on anything. I have no problem admitting when I have cried. I have no problem saying the last time I cried won’t be the last time I cry. I have no problem saying even if I hurt someone, I hurt myself in the process. None of this is because I want to throw some pity party. All of it is because I want women to understand not all men are stone cold, emotionally inept individuals who only get passionate about things like the playoffs.

Every time I pour my hear out, there’s always one comment from some woman who says something like, “Oh man up,” and I’m pretty sure she has absolutely, positively no idea what manning up is really about. But this isn’t for those commentators. This is for the women those commentators represent; the type of women who think they’re being critical but are only being comical.

I know some women would like to think they know what a real man is, but I’m pretty sure they either get their idea from television and the movies, or they get it from the men in their families, which is legit. A woman who wants a man like her father or uncles or brothers should go out and get that, especially if there are men out there who want women like their mothers, but I digress…

What this really is about is women who think they know what it is to man up and their narrow, dogmatic schemes of manhood. A man shouldn’t cry here, and a man should know exactly what to do there. All this nonsense makes me want to ask some women to throw me their copy of “Man Laws” and match it up with mine because sometimes I swear these women have an outdated version.

First we should act like a man. Then we should act like a grown man. I’m falling for none of it anymore. There are some blanket statements I have made in past posts about all women that may not apply to all women, but there is one blanket statement I can make about women that I know I am absolutely right about.

No woman knows what it’s like to be a man, not one has the faintest clue.

When a woman starts spouting off at the mouth about how a man wasn’t acting like a man and wasn’t doing what he was supposed to do as a man I get this sudden urge to challenge her to an arm wrestling match. She thinks because she plays with the big boys every now and then, she knows what it’s like to be a big boy. Little girl, please. If you’re one of those women who really think you’re more of a man than the next man, then by all means move on to the next man because what you really want is a man who’s right for you, not more of a man.

No real man will let another man tell him how to be a man, so he for damn sure won’t let a woman do it either. I was raised by a man from the old school, but I spent my whole life trying to disprove his old school notions of manhood. I didn’t think, and I still don’t think, there’s only one way for a man to be. I think there’s the man that I am and then there’s the man other men are, and if a woman wants to date me she needs to understand it is a wholly unique version of masculinity not made in the mold of her father, brother, uncle, best friend or Don Draper.

To me, telling a man to man up is like telling a woman to woman down, and start only doing things like cook or clean or both at the same time. And that doesn’t sound so 2010, does it?

As far as I’m concerned, a real man stays true to himself, his feelings, his beliefs, and his principles, and to man up is to never fall back on any of those things. If a woman can’t understand that, then oh well, looks like I was probably too much man for her.

***

Amen Jozen. Not only is that what it means to be a real man but a real woman too.

Oi

What do you get when you mix an Asian person's stomach (first thing in the morning) with:


Picture my face here -->



Where the Pepto and common sense at?

Big girls don't cry?

Whatever Fergie Ferg. Maybe that would be true if we were all swimming in dollah dollah billz, married to Josh Duhamel and had an ass that won't (wouldn't?) quit but we do cry. And as intelligent, capable and ambitious as we are, sometimes we also feel utterly hopeless and defeated.

Maybe it's because we've always been taught that becoming an adult means being thin and beautiful, having nice things, getting the right education, finding the 'perfect' job, meeting the 'perfect' man and knowing exactly what you want to do with your life so that you can live happily ever after. And maybe because of that, we hold ourselves to impossible standards and when things don't go our way, we feel like we've failed and that there is something wrong with us. And whether we're striving to be the perfect daughter, sister, girlfriend, co-worker, student or friend, no matter how hard we try, there are moments when we make mistakes and so many times when there are elements that we can't control.

I've never thought of myself as a perfectionist. My sentences have typos, I don't always double check things after I'm done and I am unfortunately not as detail-oriented as I'd like to be (seriously, best employee ever) but when it comes to certain things, in my delusions of grandeur, I think I can be perfect, or even worse, I think I AM perfect. I know, nutso right? When I inevitably fall from grace, I question everything. What's wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Could I have done things differently?

I always initially take things too personally and blow it way out of proportion but usually after a few hours (or days...or weeks) and conversations with friends and fam, I take a few steps back and eventually come to accept that:
1) Shit happens and there are many things we can't control
2) We're human and we are not perfect
3) Those imperfections don't cancel out the awesome
4) We will and can be better because we are in control of our own choices
5) We might make mistakes again and shit might keep happening but we're trying.

It's really not that we don't know how blessed and capable we are, but sometimes we do forget because real life gets in the way. We forget, but your friends don't. Your family doesn't. And the fog eventually clears and you realize that you don't have to be perfect but you come pretty damn close because you've persevered, gone for what you want and won't settle for less.

I'll probably read this and everything else I've written in five years and say "Whoa, drama queen!" but hopefully at the same time, I will also see how far I've come, in what ways I've grown and how much the friends and family around me have changed to become the people they want to be.

So for friends and others who are going through rough times cuz things aren't going quite as planned, remember, it ain't a crime to cry and feel like shit sometimes but know that this is just the weather and it too shall pass because I reiterate, nothing can cancel out the awesome.

And now I have to try really really hard to keep that in mind as I continue to look for a new job/apply for grad schools and try to be better to my friends, family and myself.

So what do you think, can I be the next Tony Robbins? ...Anyone? ...Anyone?