Big girls don't cry?

Whatever Fergie Ferg. Maybe that would be true if we were all swimming in dollah dollah billz, married to Josh Duhamel and had an ass that won't (wouldn't?) quit but we do cry. And as intelligent, capable and ambitious as we are, sometimes we also feel utterly hopeless and defeated.

Maybe it's because we've always been taught that becoming an adult means being thin and beautiful, having nice things, getting the right education, finding the 'perfect' job, meeting the 'perfect' man and knowing exactly what you want to do with your life so that you can live happily ever after. And maybe because of that, we hold ourselves to impossible standards and when things don't go our way, we feel like we've failed and that there is something wrong with us. And whether we're striving to be the perfect daughter, sister, girlfriend, co-worker, student or friend, no matter how hard we try, there are moments when we make mistakes and so many times when there are elements that we can't control.

I've never thought of myself as a perfectionist. My sentences have typos, I don't always double check things after I'm done and I am unfortunately not as detail-oriented as I'd like to be (seriously, best employee ever) but when it comes to certain things, in my delusions of grandeur, I think I can be perfect, or even worse, I think I AM perfect. I know, nutso right? When I inevitably fall from grace, I question everything. What's wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Could I have done things differently?

I always initially take things too personally and blow it way out of proportion but usually after a few hours (or days...or weeks) and conversations with friends and fam, I take a few steps back and eventually come to accept that:
1) Shit happens and there are many things we can't control
2) We're human and we are not perfect
3) Those imperfections don't cancel out the awesome
4) We will and can be better because we are in control of our own choices
5) We might make mistakes again and shit might keep happening but we're trying.

It's really not that we don't know how blessed and capable we are, but sometimes we do forget because real life gets in the way. We forget, but your friends don't. Your family doesn't. And the fog eventually clears and you realize that you don't have to be perfect but you come pretty damn close because you've persevered, gone for what you want and won't settle for less.

I'll probably read this and everything else I've written in five years and say "Whoa, drama queen!" but hopefully at the same time, I will also see how far I've come, in what ways I've grown and how much the friends and family around me have changed to become the people they want to be.

So for friends and others who are going through rough times cuz things aren't going quite as planned, remember, it ain't a crime to cry and feel like shit sometimes but know that this is just the weather and it too shall pass because I reiterate, nothing can cancel out the awesome.

And now I have to try really really hard to keep that in mind as I continue to look for a new job/apply for grad schools and try to be better to my friends, family and myself.

So what do you think, can I be the next Tony Robbins? ...Anyone? ...Anyone?