This time, last year...

I went for a swim tonight, something I did a lot last year. I've been making excuses for the past few months for not getting my ass down to the pool/gym and doing some exercise - "I'm too busy/tired/hungry," "it dries out my hair" (IT REALLY DOES!), "it hurts my shins" and the list goes on. I remember a time last year when I craved being in the pool. Squeezing in a 20 minute swim after getting home from work at 9:30pm was probably what kept me sane. When I was stressed, I swam.

Tonight when I was back in there, I started thinking of how things have changed in the last year. It's crazy enough to look back at the last six months but the last year?

Holy smokes.

Actually, I can tell you exactly what I was doing one year ago today thanks to my trusty 2010 dayplanner: I was on vacation in Hong Kong and hanging out with three of my friends in Central. We went to Tsui Wah for food, shopped a little and had frozen yogurt. I had been in Hong Kong for about a week already and was dreading going back to work. I hated my job. There were some people I liked but I haaated my job. I had literally been counting down to the trip back to Hong Kong for 6 weeks and was enjoying every single second. In addition to enjoying home, I relished in not commuting to Scarborough five times a week and waking up with a scowl on my face.

This time, last year, I was also in the process of mending a bruised ego...I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of bruising my heart. I was lonely and angry at myself. I tried to remedy it with the only ways I knew how and it certainly didn't help. I also filled my months with trips to look forward to. Right after Hong Kong would be our epic Gheeto reunion with three of my best girl friends from high school. After that trip was another trip to New York. I took any chance I could get to get away from the humdrum of my routine. I make it sound like I was miserable. I definitely wasn't but there was definitely a certain dissatisfaction that was driving my behaviour.

Then I started swimming, gymming and eating a little better. I tried to make a lifestyle change in more ways than one. I even started applying for a few jobs here and there instead of just complaining about my shitty job. I had two interviews for a job and was hugely disappointed when they didn't even bother to let me know I didn't get the job. They informed me after the new staff member was introduced in their monthly newsletter but now I see it wasn't the best job for me.

This time, last year, I never ever would have imagined that I would be where I am right now. I probably wouldn't even have let my mind go there because I didn't think it was possible. And I'm continually thankful for how things have happened and fallen into place. I have a job that I could only have dreamed of having last year. I work with people that constantly inspire me. I'm learning something new every single day. I've had opportunities to do things I never thought I was capable of.

And one year ago today, if you asked me who my ideal partner would be, I would've laughed in your face and said it doesn't matter what I think cuz it ain't gonna happen. Well, I found that person, but way better :)

It all sounds cheesy and fairytale-like but things are certainly not perfect. I go weeks at a time feeling unmotivated and unenergetic (like right now!). I constantly struggle with my own issues of self confidence. I'm impatient with myself and others (eeps). I am still moody as hell and lazy as f*ck at times. I'm still filled with anxiety, especially since I don't know what I'll be doing in six months. When I worry, I bite the skin on my fingers til they bleed.

I'm still the same person...but with a few more lines to add to that resume and a little more perspective. I'm trying to believe that I deserve the things I've gotten and that I'm here for a reason. But when those anxieties get the best of me and I'm struck by the crippling fear that it will all go away, I'm reminded of the me from one year ago, that didn't think good things were possible until they actually happened. Sometimes those things just need time to unfold.

Just imagine...where you might be one year from today. It could happen.