things.

i don't know what it means to grow
when growing means to grow apart
from things you once loved
i don't know what it means to have community
when you don't know yourself
and what you're looking for
i don't know how to understand this longing
for things i once found comfort
and safety in, things i still have
i don't know why i am mourning a loss
that i've created in my head
but feel in my heart
i don't see the line between reality
and melodrama because these melodramatic
tears in my eyes are real
i don't know who i am becoming
with these hackneyed ideas
and fanciful dreams
i don't know where this resentment
comes from but it
hurts
i don't know how to keep myself
in check when it means
feeling the shame of a hypocrite
i don't know how to navigate this
world with these new ways of seeing
and old ways of feeling
i don't know how to accept these
new revelations about myself
i so readily share
i don't know how to learn
how to love those around me and
what i am becoming
...i just don't know