I've had this discussion with a few friends of mine about this issue and coincidentally (or not) none of us are 100 pounds. I have nothing against thin girls, well maybe sometimes out of jealousy, but what I have a problem with is the expectation that Asian girls everywhere should be thin and when I say thin, I mean size 0 thin. I think most women living in any sort of "Westernized" culture feels the pressure to be thin but when (white) girls complain about feeling pressured to look a certain way by Hollywood and the media, I think to myself, try having an Asian mom. (This post is also not about hating on Asian moms because I have nothing but love for Asian moms, mine is pretty awesome.) What I mean is, speaking from experience, to most Asian parents who were born and raised in Asia, being thin is not even a question, it is just something that is.
I can't speak for girls who were born and raised only in Asia (namely Hong Kong) but as for me and most of my friends, having grown up both in Hong Kong and North America, I've learned that those expectations reach far and wide and there is no ocean big enough in this world to curb them.
It was during that horribly awkward "oh my God what is happening to my body" preteen age of 12 that I moved back to Hong Kong from Toronto and started feeling painfully self-conscious of my body. Looking back, throughout my teen years I would have probably been categorized as thin by Western standards but from that age on, I could never ignore the jiggle in my thighs/arms/tummy. At family dinners, I felt and still feel like the black - or rather, fat sheep of the family (ha ha).
*By the way, as I write this, I am stuffing my face with a giant banana chocolate-chip muffin. Hmmm...maybe THAT's my problem.
When I was 17, I distinctly remember one family dinner when we were taking photos and when my mom looked through them on her digital camera, she very loudly proclaimed to my entire paternal family, "Wah, my daughter is so fat!" Low blow, huh? I think at the time, I was about 115 pounds (I wonder what she thinks NOW). I know it is a very Chinese thing to comment on someone's weight/appearance whenever you see a person but it just feels a thousand times worse when you're a teenage girl...and when someone uses the f-word.
When I got to university, I started putting on weight and after four years, I got a Bachelors degree in English Literature with a side of 20 pounds of body fat. In addition to keeping me a little warmer during those crazy Kingston winters, I started to hate my body. I would look around me and stare at those tiny Asian girls with beautiful long hair, tan skin and small perfect bodies. I also started to notice little comments that I would hear from guys, about how they prefer "smaller girls"- what I heard was "I prefer girls smaller than you." What's most annoying is that by Asian standards, I'm fat but by Canadian standards, I'm "normal" so why do I AWLAYS feel the need to lose weight? Why do I want to be a size 2? Why do I roll my eyes when a pack of skinny Asian girls walk by me at a club?
I clearly have issues with my body like most women but combine that with seemingly impossible standards of "beauty" and you have a potentially self-destructive double whammy. I don't know how and if these standards will ever change but like my post below on activism, the change has to start with me and all those other girls (Asian or not) who think they need to be tall and thin to be beautiful. When I move back to Hong Kong in a few months, I'm going to be surrounded by skinny girls and I'm going to see countless ads for weight loss clinics and miracle fat dissolving drugs and I'm pretty sure I'm going to feel like a huge blob but I'm working on that. All I want is to be healthy and feel comfortable in my skin and thankfully, going to the gym (and shaking my money maker at dance class) has been helping a lot. I might never be the skinny one in the family but at least I can change my thought processes so that whenever I look at family photos, I won't just see a girl with flabby arms or pudgy stomach but a hawt, confident Chinese girl who can out-dance, out-run and out-smart you. How's that for a happy, up-lifting, the world is alright kind of post? Okay, I'm done. Time to get back to my muffin.
I can't speak for girls who were born and raised only in Asia (namely Hong Kong) but as for me and most of my friends, having grown up both in Hong Kong and North America, I've learned that those expectations reach far and wide and there is no ocean big enough in this world to curb them.
It was during that horribly awkward "oh my God what is happening to my body" preteen age of 12 that I moved back to Hong Kong from Toronto and started feeling painfully self-conscious of my body. Looking back, throughout my teen years I would have probably been categorized as thin by Western standards but from that age on, I could never ignore the jiggle in my thighs/arms/tummy. At family dinners, I felt and still feel like the black - or rather, fat sheep of the family (ha ha).
*By the way, as I write this, I am stuffing my face with a giant banana chocolate-chip muffin. Hmmm...maybe THAT's my problem.
When I was 17, I distinctly remember one family dinner when we were taking photos and when my mom looked through them on her digital camera, she very loudly proclaimed to my entire paternal family, "Wah, my daughter is so fat!" Low blow, huh? I think at the time, I was about 115 pounds (I wonder what she thinks NOW). I know it is a very Chinese thing to comment on someone's weight/appearance whenever you see a person but it just feels a thousand times worse when you're a teenage girl...and when someone uses the f-word.
When I got to university, I started putting on weight and after four years, I got a Bachelors degree in English Literature with a side of 20 pounds of body fat. In addition to keeping me a little warmer during those crazy Kingston winters, I started to hate my body. I would look around me and stare at those tiny Asian girls with beautiful long hair, tan skin and small perfect bodies. I also started to notice little comments that I would hear from guys, about how they prefer "smaller girls"- what I heard was "I prefer girls smaller than you." What's most annoying is that by Asian standards, I'm fat but by Canadian standards, I'm "normal" so why do I AWLAYS feel the need to lose weight? Why do I want to be a size 2? Why do I roll my eyes when a pack of skinny Asian girls walk by me at a club?
I clearly have issues with my body like most women but combine that with seemingly impossible standards of "beauty" and you have a potentially self-destructive double whammy. I don't know how and if these standards will ever change but like my post below on activism, the change has to start with me and all those other girls (Asian or not) who think they need to be tall and thin to be beautiful. When I move back to Hong Kong in a few months, I'm going to be surrounded by skinny girls and I'm going to see countless ads for weight loss clinics and miracle fat dissolving drugs and I'm pretty sure I'm going to feel like a huge blob but I'm working on that. All I want is to be healthy and feel comfortable in my skin and thankfully, going to the gym (and shaking my money maker at dance class) has been helping a lot. I might never be the skinny one in the family but at least I can change my thought processes so that whenever I look at family photos, I won't just see a girl with flabby arms or pudgy stomach but a hawt, confident Chinese girl who can out-dance, out-run and out-smart you. How's that for a happy, up-lifting, the world is alright kind of post? Okay, I'm done. Time to get back to my muffin.
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4 comments:
my gf is like.. 80 pounds -_-
i'm trying to get her to eat more... i'm afraid of breaking her by accident sometimes...
and for the record, u guys look fine
and also for the record, HK gurls a lot of times look thin but they're extremely unfit.... this is a problem for me... i can explain why.. but not publicly
hehe
don't even 80-pound girls have body issues? and i guess in the end...there'll always be a girl skinnier than you..taller than you..tanner than you haha those fucking bitches. so yeah what u said is good...just learn to accept and love the way you are :):) i heart your blog
yeah of course everyone has body issues but "fat" asian girls especially :P when they're surrounded by very thin girls..everywhere.
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